Grateful holidays! And also by “happy” I mean, situations certain experience truly bad nowadays?? & Most folks have probably got our holiday strategies changed again?? But luckily for us all of our present to you is actually an online one AKA all of our long-awaited mailbag event!

We have into tough thoughts encompassing non-monogamy, fictional figures we might want about pod, and so much more. Thank-you to any or all whom sent in concerns!

SHOW RECORDS

+ Here are the lip recs from Christina!
Practically Lipstick from Clinique
and
Powder Puff Lippie from NYX
.

+ whether or not it feels good,
do it
.

+ It’s not possible to enjoy Barbara Hammer motion pictures online in case you are in LA you will see Nitrate Kisses in theatres next month
free-of-charge
.

+
Scissoring merch
! ensure you get your scissoring merch!

+ An essay on

Paul Takes the type of a Mortal lady

and
our model of sluttiness
.

+ Ro’s
part on dental care dams.

+

The Novice

is out now! enjoy it!

Drew:

I Found Myself talking-to my father of all of the men and women—

Christina:

Bringing dads into this room!

Drew:

I understand — about getting delighted. And my dad was actually like, “Oh, well, do you consider it’s because this is the first relationship you’ve received into as yourself?

Christina:

First and foremost, father, that is therefore sweet!

Drew:

I understand! Extremely nice father remark.

Christina:

Go off, king!

Drew:

And that I was actually like — very funny for you to contact my father king.

Theme song plays

Drew:

Hi, I Am Drew!

Christina:

And I’m Christina! Referring to a podcast that we forgot the intro to already.

Drew:

Which is ok! It has been sometime.

Christina:

Woohoo, it has.

Drew:

This is exactly

Hold off, So Is This a Date?

Christina:

Yes, that podcast.

Drew:

I’ll analysis part. This is

Wait, Is This a romantic date?

An Autostraddle podcast exactly about sex and internet dating as queer people who have queer individuals, hopefully. Just how, exactly how are we undertaking?

Christina:

No, i do believe you’re smashing it. I believe what is actually really interesting about any of it episode is it is the mailbag event in which we’re going to be using questions away from you, all of our listeners. A lot of you submitted vocals memos and e-mails, and we also experience the material and also the concerns and hopefully the responses, but like, I, I’m not going to state such a thing also crazy. I do not wanna get as well outlandish, you are aware?

Drew:

Yeah. We are questioning along with you. Should we — i am talking about, this probably isn’t really individuals first episode, in instance individuals missed us, you are aware, adding ourselves, maybe that’s a person’s favorite a portion of the podcast. Thus I think we must introduce ourselves.

Christina:

Yeah, absolutely.

Drew:

Okay, cool. I’ll get 1st. My name is Drew Gregory. I’m a writer and a filmmaker and a queer individual. I still determine as a lesbian, but i am making use of that term less, that’s maybe a thing that I am able to unpack on a future episode. I still are a lesbian, but I also was similar, precisely what does that also mean? You understand? I’m not sure. Tags tend to be amusing, but I’m quite positive that i am a writer. I’m quite certain that I’m a filmmaker. Uh, what about you?

Christina:

Yeah. Uh, i’m Christina Tucker, a writer at Autostraddle in addition. I’m additionally a queer person. I began in fact using “queer” even more while I initially arrived and now i take advantage of lesbian maybe equally. I am really, I just style of utilize whatever phrase seems appropriate, taken from my mouth when you look at the moment. And I do not think about this even more than that. But that is a journey all of us are on, frankly.

Drew:

I help that. I do believe amounts right up who we have been, that i am love, “I’m going to need to review this as time goes on.” And you’re like, “i recently kind of enjoy the thing I believe plus don’t want to believe more and more it.”

Christina:

I rather actually find the word that really works ideal for the bit, so…

Drew:

Well, yeah. Whilst you stated, this can be the mailbag event. Should we just get into initial — oh, In addition wanna state before we start that if you delivered you a question and in addition we don’t get to it, it could be because there happened to be certain matters that have been like, oh, I want to unpack this on another complete event, possibly with a unique visitor that would be much more, you are aware, maybe a lot more qualified to resolve it. So we really value the questions—

Christina:

You guys sent some questions, that has been cool, but we might not have time for you get to every one of these.

Drew:

Yeah. However they had been all look over.

Christina:

But also some of you merely sent united states compliments without concerns.

Drew:

And, you know, often with — when this was actually a Q&A before or after a motion picture, it’d wind up as, cannot praise the individual. There’s a whole market here, but also for this, the actual only real market had been Christina and I and Lauren. So truly, compliments, fantastic. Thank-you really. Truly, great.

Christina:

Exciting for, certainly certainly my personal primary meals teams.

Drew:

Therefore yeah, let’s focus on the first question. In voice memo, the individual states that they’re semi-closeted, therefore we’re gonna omit brands in order to be secure here. And let us tune in to this concern.

Anonymous Asker:

So this is from someone who doesn’t have experience with matchmaking at all, mainly because i am semi-closeted and living call at the primarily conventional boonies. Whenever I graduate high school, i am leaving this place thus I may have a taste of liberty. And that I’m realizing that i’ll end up being entering the queer matchmaking realm. This really is an extremely general question, but how would we ask a woman out for the first time without falling into a full on anxiety attack? As you’re able tell, i am very bad at talking to individuals.

Drew:

It is an age-old, age-old question. Truly.

Christina:

It is. We frankly think it is the reason we have a podcast.

Drew:

Yeah. I am talking about, I believe like we type of recognize in which i’ll pick this, that will be like, it is more about recognizing that no-one’s proficient at this? I am talking about, perhaps people fundamentally get good at it since you do it enough and also you type of squander the — what is it — the coverage therapy or whatever — but like, it’s among those things where you simply do it and it gets easier. And myself, prior to I arrived on the scene — after all, to clarify, I was asking ladies out before we arrived on the scene because of the total getting a trans person thing. As soon as I think regarding beginning of whenever I left my awful small town and went to university and was first truly asking folks out, I absolutely took an extremely drive approach and really had been love, “Hello, do you wish to embark on a romantic date?” And I think over the years, we moved from that a little bit. But we in all honesty still, I however believe often it’s great to just end up being drive and have somebody out, and also you get a definite response. After all, you might also perform the thing for which you merely begin unclear and have anyone to hang out and you simply, you realize, play a,

Hold off, Is This a romantic date

video game for awhile.

Christina:

Correct. Fingertips entered, i am hoping that information comes across. I additionally think in a situation, like for my situation, while I began internet dating, when I was actually queer dating, I found myself of school, solution of my personal hometown, but I happened to be carrying out plenty of matchmaking via software and therefore really does cut-down the awkwardness because it’s like, everybody knows whatever you’re here for. And even though i do believe you can find demonstrably negatives to your dating software, like most things in daily life, I do genuinely believe that type of the removal of that shield of love, oh no, just how shameful so is this going to be? Like, can it be gonna be like, no, it’s, that’s what that is for program for which you came to. After which as soon as you, whenever you make the hangout ask, it does fundamentally know it is a night out together because that’s the reason we’re all here. Vibing.

Drew:

That is a beneficial point.

Christina:

I mean, i actually do keep in mind that its — such as that feeling of similar, “Oh no, this is probably going to be very uncomfortable because i am therefore uncomfortable.” But in all honesty the occasions I have experienced awesome uncomfortable, honestly, many people are exactly like, that has been pleasant. Very don’t believe regarding the awkwardness only in love, this can be shameful and every person detests me. People is like, that is shameful, but it is type precious. And I perform desire to continue a night out together along with you. A few things is generally real. I do believe that’s stunning.

Drew:

Best shown. Yeah. Yeah. In my opinion we this notion that in the event that you ask some body on, you ought to be like significant leading power Shane-style, and it’s like, no, possible ask some body completely as an embarrassing person, that is certainly another type of brand of hot, but it’s nonetheless, it is still among the many companies.

Christina:

There are many labels of hot.

Drew:

Yeah.

Christina:

Wow. Which Is really breathtaking.

Drew:

Great. Well, let’s move on to another question this is certainly coming from Claire from Australia.

Claire:

Hey, i have enjoyed listening to all of you from this point in Queensland, Australian Continent, and had a concern per of you actually. Christina, what’s this non-transferable lip lining that you use on a primary time, and where can I buy it? And Drew, your own website is a bit more complicated. How will you understand when you should tune in to the tough emotions that come upwards during a non-monogamous scenario when to focus through all of them?

Christina:

Wow. I really like that I have a lip and you also have difficult thoughts. I think which is a really gorgeous. I’ll go first and give you some time to think about the tough feelings. So there’s multiple variations of a non-transferable lip. As I was at my personal young people in the old mid-aughts, whenever everyone was merely addicted to putting on a matte lip stick, I did some, like, Stila mattes are very non-transferable. But here is the one thing i am growing old. My epidermis gets drier. I can’t be sporting a matte lip that way and not having a dried aside lip time. Now we’ve moved into a stain, basically really chef’s hug. Trigger it can get just a little necessity, but nobody truly notices, however look great. At this time a huge fan of Clinique. Their particular black honey is actually an unbelievable any because Knicks lippie powder puff, many hues, fades attractively. A great lip spot. Get forth and also make from your own times with fantastic mouth. Which is all I want for everybody actually. Today, Drew, consult with me about difficult feelings.

Drew:

Intense emotions in non-monogamous interactions. Wow. Yeah. So a great thing that took place from inside the hiatus that we’ve had up to now usually i’ve a girlfriend now.

Christina:

She actually is wonderful!

Drew:

Yeah. I’m actually, actually pleased. I’m merely, i’m like on a daily basis kind of mastering new definitions of exactly what connections and love and intercourse is, and just have perhaps not already been that much of a romantic since I was in senior high school and it also had been all theoretic. So, I’m very happy, love to discuss that. Im similar, fine. Additionally what are the results when you’re, you realize, in a relationship that you love instead of, you understand, only having hookups and fillings and stuff, is you also are examining in more with your boundaries plus lover’s boundaries as much as everything you talk about. And appear, all this could be stuff that i did not share. And that I just went to the concern and had been vague, but it is my personal type of being open by being want, outlining like certain reasoned explanations why i may be obscure regarding podcast moving forward, because i actually do believe in fact it’s important within parasocial interactions we’ve got with others exactly who compose or people who have podcasts that like, I am not sure, to fairly share these things, to speak about like how I decide my limits, specifically as an individual who produces and talks about gender extremely graphically. Anyways, so all of that as a preamble for this concern—

Christina:

Perspective is actually master. That is what we are constantly stating.

Drew:

That will be to state that like, What i’m saying is, you might say, like i am, i am within my very first relationship, like as a person that’s open about getting non-monogamous and navigating that and etc. And I also believe just speaking generally speaking, like every union is a unique talk. And with the those who are for the reason that connection, everybody else gives goals and delivers issues that are like beliefs into the connection, and also, tends to make compromises possesses talks and — or does not, right after which which is your form of that. Right? Therefore I believe its method of a frustrating solution, but it’s type of want, you must both talk with your self and consult with your lover or lovers, and determine kind of, you know, something needed for you, you understand, in case you are an individual who’s monogamous and also you start dating a person who’s non-monogamous, would be that anything you may get used to? Is there certain matters which make you comfy? Is-it convenient for your family as soon as your spouse shacks up with some one you all learn and it’s casual and it’s any, or do you, would it be more content if they have some other interactions, nonetheless’re perhaps not close to you after all? Or as with any these — there’s many methods to have non-monogamous connections. And I also have no idea if you are asking this through the perspective of somebody who’s very no-cost in non-monogamy and it is possibly internet dating someone who isn’t really, or the other way around. But I think that’s typically a — i will not even say a conflict, it’s just part of being non-monogamous, i do believe, is the fact that people have actually different connections to non-monogamy.

Christina:

Yeah.

Drew:

For me, I could date an individual who had several lovers. But generally with non-monogamy, my personal ideal should be to go out somebody where i am their particular companion, after which we are not monogamous. Easily happened to be as of yet some body, that’sn’t current situation that i am in, in which I became matchmaking somebody who wished to have several lovers, i might need to be like, okay, exactly what are my personal emotions relating to this person? Exactly what are my thoughts about how exactly this person interacts? Would i believe that that might be a thing that might work for me personally? And figure that away. And you’ll find commitment dynamics i possibly could maintain where I’m on one conclusion and where i am on the other end. And that I think that simply demonstrates that like, it is simply when it comes to choosing if the person you are dating — one, in case your emotions on their behalf tend to be sufficiently strong it’s worth every penny, and if you should be appropriate adequate within needs that it can operate, because sometimes you truly like some body and love you, or you really love somebody and really love you, and it just doesn’t work away with what you both want from a relationship. And that is sad, but it’s in addition exactly the instance. So if or not to operate through hard thoughts is always likely to be case by instance. And I believe additionally it is extremely dependent on interaction designs, as if you really have good interaction with all the person or folks you are internet dating, you can easily work through significantly more than any time you find it difficult to speak. So those are my personal rambling applying for grants this thing that In my opinion about a lot.

Christina:

I would really like audience to understand that this is why I get six-minute sound memos from Drew. Though in fairness, she has not sent myself a six-minute sound memo in an exceedingly number of years.

Drew:

It has been quite a few years.

Christina:

But that’s the power. And I also would feel just like i recently talked one into life. I cannot wait for next few days.

Drew:

You think it’s because i am in a relationship?

Christina:

I’m sure it is.

Drew:

I’m experiencing insecure about that now. Yeah. I am just like, was I a poor friend since i am in a relationship?

Christina:

I think it really is fine and delightful and great and fantastic. And that I’m nearly clamoring to get even more six-minute vocals memos.

Drew:

I’m going to give you a six-minute vocals memo about my personal connection. Would that end up being fun? Would that be an enjoyable thing so that you could have?

Christina:

After all, yes, naturally it can. You are my friend.

Drew:

Many thanks. Okay. Moving forward.

Christina:

Moving forward.

Drew:

Why don’t we see. This voice memo is from Julia.

Julia:

Hey Drew. Hey Christina. Here is my personal concern for y’all. Should you may have any fictional queer personality in the pod, who does it is and what matchmaking topic could you discuss? Many thanks for taking these Qs! Bye!

Christina:

That is this type of a great question.

Drew:

It is the concern. My — truthfully, and never as very Autostraddle about this, but my gut effect was actually like, I would like an additional period that’s a rest down with every primary character of

The L Term.

And just getting like, “what is wrong with you?”

Drew:

Yeah. Okay. So I’ve been making a concerted effort in both my personal mind and my personal writing, to fairly share

The L Word

less, because i am like, there is so much other things available to you and like, really fun we have this usual vocabulary, {but also|but additionally|